LENTEN
SERIES 3 – 14 March 2004 – Bishop Owen Dowling
There’s an interesting difference that has come up between
Protestant and Roman Catholic tradition in relation to the Ten Commandments. The
point has arisen as one of our parishioners shared the sermon notes with a
Catholic neighbour. The numbering of the Commandments is different. Roman
Catholics combine our Commandments 1 & 2, but divide our 10th
Commandment into two. Why the Reformers decided to do the numbering differently
is not clear to me, but Anglicans from Cranmer and the 1552 Prayer Book onwards
have followed the Reformed and Protestant Tradition.
Today then, we talk about the 5th Commandment (or
if you are a Roman Catholic, the 4th) – the one about the way we
treat our parents: “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be
long in the land which the Lord your God gives you”.
This is the first neighbour commandment. The first
four commandments are about our duty to God, the Catechism teaches us, and the
last six about our duty to our neighbours. Our first neighbours are indeed the
members of our own family. The first people we meet, for most of us at least, as
we grow to recognize other persons, are our father and mother. They give us our
start in life. In most cases again, they sacrifice a lot for us in caring for us
and seeing to our growth and education. Most of us
(I keep saying that, because I realize that not every family pattern is the
same) owe an incalculable debt to our parents because of the quality of their
devoted love, sometimes in circumstances of hardship and adversity.
I realise I have to choose my words carefully as I extol
parents and what they have given us. I can speak of my own parents that way, but
I wouldn’t be smug about it. Some people have had abusive or neglectful
parents. Some have great difficulty dealing with this commandment, because they
have been terrorized or badly manipulated by a controlling, an abusive or
over-authoritarian parent – I’ll speak more of that shortly.
However many of us value our parents highly, and realize that
we learned many good things from them.
The home, parent-child relationships and brother-sister
relationships and the extended family – aunts and uncles, cousins and
grandparents – this is where we have our basic experience as human beings, and
learn our values and what it is to be responsible for our actions – the give
and take which is so essential a part of psychological and spiritual health.
It is not surprising then, that the first neighbour
commandment speaks of parents and family life. This is part of the Law of God to
us – the first ground in which we live out the law and principle of loving
one’s neighbour as oneself. We have heard of street angels and house devils
– that some apparent pillars of righteousness in church or in the community,
indeed some preachers of morality, have themselves been terrors and abusers in
their own home, and no one dare tell of it.
It is good, I believe, that the commandment says “honour”
rather than “obey”. I well remember as a child each Monday morning at school
saluting the flag and with my hand on my heart promising to “obey my parents,
teachers and the law”. There is a place for the obedience of growing
children who have to have things decided for them before they are mature enough
to make decisions for themselves. I acknowledge that. But I do think the word
“honour” is a better word to use as children come to maturity and have to be
adults in their own right.
And the principle of leaving one’s father and mother at the
appropriate time is a good one. Many a marriage has been spoiled because a son
or daughter hasn’t really “left” and keeps on being over-influenced by
parents and family. In marriage a new loyalty is forged and parents then should
definitely come into second place. And if the son or daughter remains single a
certain sturdy independence is appropriate and healthy.
For adults, honouring is what God asks for rather than
obeying. We can disagree with someone, and still honour and respect them and
their opinion.
We have moved from authoritarian models of society and family
to a more democratic model where we expect to have our say. Some have found this
transition very difficult to manage and bemoan “the good old days.” However
I would claim that we are nearer the spirit of Jesus our Founder and the one
whom, above all, we seek to follow. He had to step outside the rather limited
vision of his own family in order to follow the call of God. Family loyalty was
a very strong part of first century Jewish and Palestinian culture, as it was in
the Greek and Roman world. He spoke, quite amazingly, and confrontingly, of
those who followed him needing to “hate” their father and mother, and of not
putting property or filial duties ahead of following him as disciples. He
certainly stated it in an extreme way. The young man who said to him “Let me
first go and bury my father” may not have meant that his father had died and
needed to be buried, but probably referred to attending to his home duties –
looking after the property and putting his duty as a son before all else, until
such time as his father died. “Follow me”, said Jesus, and in another one of
his harsher sayings, “Let the dead bury their dead”. The spiritually dead
may well try to put priorities upon us which are stifling and kill all creative
initiative. I had an aunt, a very deeply committed Christian, who wanted to
pursue a call to be a missionary in her youth, but was prevented by a selfish
and manipulative mother who wanted to hold her at home to serve her and the
family. My aunt had a breakdown and only found fulfilment in life later as she
had courage to break away from her mother and go nursing. Respect, but not
ultimate obedience is the thing.
Two more points relating to this commandment as it applies in
a societal way:
This commandment comes very much to the fore in a society
like ours where there are more and more aged people to care for. As a whole
society and as families we have to give quite a lot of attention to the needs of
the aged, who are sometimes difficult or demented, or both. Some aged persons,
as you know are dumped somewhere and rarely if ever visited, which is tragic.
“That your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you”
– the second and consequential clause of the commandment, suggests that the
way to treat our elderly people is part of the general health of the community.
We will no doubt all have our turn, being on the receiving, rather than the
giving end. We who cared for relatively helpless children, will need in turn to
be cared for as relatively helpless ourselves. Such is life.
The other point is the need to honour the elders in the
community, their wisdom and what they can contribute in understanding history
and appreciating the traditions of our nation, our culture or our family. There
is an idolizing of youth and physical beauty in our world, which may leave
little place for the beauty of mind and spirit that we come out in a person as
they age, wrinkle and slow up.
Just as the 4th commandment reminded us to take our rest and recreation and to enjoy a balance in life, so the 5th commandment would remind us of keeping a balance of appreciation, as far as we can, between the generations. Young people need the elderly around them, just as the elderly need the young around them. We see this as God’s provision for our psychological health; we are to rejoice in, and deliberately foster, generational variety. Let’s do all that we c an to promote it in our family, our church and our community!