Missing Persons Week -  31st July 2005 - ACT Police Chaplain Gayl Mills

Let me begin by telling you a story.

Ben was a 13 year-old boy who like many boys his age was causing strife at home. He was constantly fighting with his little brother and sister and with mum and dad. One day when he retaliated against his 8 year old brother's needling, and little brother was yelling that he'd been hurt, Ben's dad had had enough and he spoke angrily to Ben about leaving his brother alone. An argument developed between them. Ben said he was leaving to go to his dad's office about a kilometre away to get a bag that he'd left there. "See that you come back straight away', dad demanded. After about an hour Ben hadn't returned. His mum was pretty angry as well and decided to go to the office and find out why he hadn't returned as he'd been told to. After another stormy argument, Ben stomped out of the office and walked off down the lane, muttering that he was never coming home again. His mum decided that a walk home in the cool night air would let him cool off and that she and Ben's dad needed some cooling off time too.

After an hour Ben still hadn't returned home. His mum and dad started to become quite worried and his dad hopped in the car to have a look around and see if he was sitting in the local McDonald's. He wasn't there and after driving around for a while he went home and Ben's mum started ringing all Ben's friends. By this time it was after 10 at night. When everyone they could think of said they hadn't seen Ben they decided to ring the police.

By about half past eleven Ben's dad got back in the car and started driving around again, covering a wider area of suburbs, the deserted streets and the deserted shopping centres. By about half past three, there was still no Ben. Cold and exhausted his dad came home. Ben's mum and dad tried to convince themselves that Ben probably had gone to a friend's house and that he would turn up in the morning. They had a couple of hours of uncomfortable sleep.

Waking up at 6, hopeful that Ben would return, Ben's mum and dad tried to get on with some of the normal morning routine. The police rang to check and took a more detailed description of Ben. One of their friends they'd rung last night rang and tried to reassure them that Ben would probably turn up at school that day. Ben's dad took their youngest child with him down to the school to watch the kids go in until no one was left. But still no Ben. At about 9.30 he came home, the little girl asking where was Ben? Why hadn't they brought him home?

The family was sitting gathered together in the family room. By now it was Ben's dads turn to break down and cry. They'd been there for a while when Ben suddenly came through the back door. He cautiously came over and gave his dad a hug. He had been at a mate's place who thought he was protecting him and so he'd said he hadn't seen him the night before. Ben's dad rang the police to let them know he was home safe and sound.

That story has a happy ending. The good news is that of the 30,000 people who are reported as missing in Australia every year, most who go missing in Australia every year, most are found. The large number of people who go missing each year affects people from all walks of life- regardless of their age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, race, and educational or professional qualifications. About 99.5% are located, most within hours, and often within a month from the time of their disappearance. Mostly the person missing is found because they return home or contact family members or friends.

But a statistic, however encouraging it may be, can rarely bring comfort or consolation to the family members and friends who are experiencing the devastating effects of a missing loved one. Their experience is often one of sadness, grief, stress, worry, helplessness, fear, shame, anger, and guilt, and a never-ending seesaw of despair and hope. This may feel like a black hole, and for those whose stories do not have the happy ending we heard before and whose loved ones have not returned, it may feel like a never ending black chasm. Some of you may be in that situation today or know others who are. Like a stone tossed into a pond the effects of having a missing loved one can ripple into many areas of life. A family member or friend of a missing loved one may experience changes in their quality of life, especially to their health, particularly their mental health. They may experience changes in their relationships, their employment and finances.

This situation cannot be compared to losing a loved one through death. When someone dies, family and friends know the whereabouts of their loved one and usually the ritual of a funeral takes place. However, when someone has disappeared there is no similar ritual. The family members and friends may be left living in a cloud of doubt, not knowing where their loved one is, what led to their disappearance, or if they are safe.

When a loved one is missing for a long period, there is often a difficult bind. Family members and friends can be left wondering whether they should give up on the hope of seeing their loved one again. And yet to give up this hope can feel like a betrayal of the person who is missing.

This then can be the hope that hurts – the hard journey travelled by the family members and friends of missing persons. The journey may involve the struggle to maintain two opposing ideas at the same time- The struggle to be able to acknowledge the reality of the disappearance of the loved one and yet maintain a hope in seeing them again; The struggle to be able to go on with their daily lives while never losing sight of the hope of a possible reunion.

The first Bible reading today from the Book of Genesis in the Old Testament is a story about struggle. Jacob's struggle with God by the river Jabbok. Jacob's story has many journeys in it. Here Jacob has taken his wives and children across the river and Jacob is left all alone, in the dark, facing the biggest crisis of his life. He is about to confront the brother who years earlier he had tricked out of his inheritance and family blessing. Jacob has returned to face the consequences of his dishonesty. Then a bigger crisis confront; him in the form of God wrestling with him. In this life and death struggle Jacob clu^tches at God and the power of God's blessing. Jacob survives the danger, and he receives the blessing of his new name. Even so, in the midst of the struggle, God touched Jacob's hip so that he is permanently injured.

The idea of a relationship with God being one of struggle and engagement can sometimes be helpful. The image of God as sometimes being a mysterious adversary with whom we wrestle, can deal with human experience in ways that portrayals of God as `nice' cannot.

The story of Jacob wrestling with God expresses the most poignant of human struggles with doubt and faith, with God and suffering.

This may be the struggle that family and friends with a missing loved on find themselves in.

A struggle of doubt and faith with God and suffering as they are given the hope of a sighting only to be disappointed again.

A struggle of doubt and faith with God and suffering as a significant date or anniversary comes up or a simple everyday event or object reminds them that someone is missing- mistaking a person in the street, hearing a song, reading a news story or even smelling a familiar scent that creates an emotional reaction.

A struggle of doubt and faith with God and suffering as they live in the pain of not knowing, hoping against hope. Living with the vulnerability of trying to resolve a loss when you're not sure if it's permanent.

Recently I had the privilege of seeing the Sistine chapel in Rome. As I stood there with a thousand other people, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of Michelangelo's ceiling. The painting that I concentrated on and that touched me the most was the famous `Creation of Man'. Michelangelo created this incredible image of God reaching out to man with every ounce of God's being. I believe that here is where we find hope in the midst of the struggle of doubt and faith with God and suffering. This same God with whom we sometimes struggle, reaches out to us and has promised through Jesus Christ that God is always with us. A God who will never leave us even in the darkest and worst of times. A God who is with us as we cry out in pain and anguish and who seeks the lost and the lonely. A God who is with someone we love who is missing.

It can be a challenge to us to hold on to our God- our God of the journey, our God of mercy, our God of the future- a challenge to hold on with all our strength and not let go until we receive our blessing and hope for the future.